What Language Should You Be Speaking?

Today’s blog post is by guest author Ann Timm, who blogs over at Keeper of the Home and  — along with husband Mark Timm, CEO of Ziglar Family — raises six awesome teenagers!

While both my husband and I speak English, there are many times that we speak different languages altogether.

What I’m talking about is a more intimate language — our love language.

Do you know your spouse’s love language? What’s your love language?

For me to feel loved, I need physical touch: I need my husband to hug me and hold my hand, to rub my back or just cuddle. That’s how I most feel that he loves me. It affirms to me that we are a fit, that things are great between us, that love — the verb— is well in place.

However, NONE of those things say to my husband that I love him. He needs words of affirmation and acts of service to know that he is loved. He needs to hear that I appreciate him and for me to tell him in words that I see all he’s doing for our family. And, like most men, homemade food goes a long way too!

It’s taken time for each of us to learn and understand what the other needs, but it’s been a priority in our marriage to be intentional in our love.

If you don’t know your significant other’s love language, or if you’re not sure how to ‘speak’ his or her language, I would encourage you to read The 5 Love Languages, by Gary Chapman, or try his free online tool that points you in the right direction.  It might be the best Valentine’s Day gift you could ever give, and it will keep on giving year after year.

Last year, when we read The 5 Love Languages together, we decided to be intentional about loving each other all the time.

Valentine’s Day serves as a great reminder to be more focused and deliberate about your love for each other. If you’ve gotten out of the habit, use this season of love to boost your romance and remain focused on loving each other all year long.

Learn each other’s love languages. Make time for alone time. Be conscious about loving each other.

One of our biggest challenges as a couple is that it’s so easy to get caught up in our kids and businesses that we don’t take the time to connect and really care for us.

I love dating my husband. He’s quite a gentleman, plus he’s smart, funny, and always up for trying something new. It’s not often that it’s just the two of us: we have to make it happen.

So on those lucky nights, I get dressed up a little fancy. I’ll put on a dress and the heels I never get to wear and attempt to do something with my hair other than my usual ponytail. It doesn’t matter if we go somewhere fancy, or even if we stay home when we have the house to ourselves.

The point is we make the most of our time.

The first couple of years together were probably the same for you as they were for my husband and me. We were all goo-goo eyed for each other and deliberately made time to get away frequently.

But routine and the busyness of life with kids got in the way, and we slowly forgot. We’re still lovey-dovey on a daily basis (and all too frequently if you ask the kids!), but we always seem to be with the kids.

To make it even more challenging, we are a blended family, so my hubby and I are both on second marriages. We understand what it feels like to have had relationships that failed and appreciate what we now have with each other. Making time and connecting is important.

Even better than going out on a date, one of the best, most intentional activities we have ever done towards increasing intimacy and showing each other love in a way that speaks to both of our love languages has been through massage.

Massage has been the best of both worlds for us. It fills both the physical touch and acts of service love tanks and promotes lots of good conversation! Plus, we feel amazing after a wonderful massage.

In the past we have spent time and money at spas on couple’s massages, which sounds romantic, but really you are just getting individual massages beside each other and not even talking or communicating at all. And it costs a ton of money.

Not too long ago we were introduced to Melt Massage. It takes couple’s massage to a whole new level!!

When we were first introduced to this video series, I was sure it was going to be something sketchy that might be embarrassing and uncomfortable to watch. I was genuinely surprised and pleased to find that it was far from that.

The videos are very classy and tastefully done in a way that allows you to be comfortable and teachable so that you can learn how to give the most amazing massages right in your own home.

We felt a little silly at first, but that just added to the fun! Now that we have practiced a few times we are able to fully relax under each others hands and enjoy the benefits of the learned techniques and the intimacy it has brought.

There are some amazing benefits to speaking each other’s love languages!

Whether you decide to give massage a try, cook a meal together, go for a hike, or just cuddle on the couch in front of a good movie, I encourage you to be intentional in your relationship — not just on Valentine’s Day — and spend some time really making the effort to speak to his or her love language. Your relationship deserves it!

If you are interested in learning more about making your partner melt this Valentine’s Day (or any day!), click here


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